If you don't like needles, look away now!
*plot spoiler, there are no pics :)
Having found and examined the lump under ultrasound the next stage is to try and aspirate or drain the lump to see whether it is a cyst. This involves an injection of local anaesthetic to numb the area before another needle is inserted like I say to try and drain any fluid. By now I'd switched off to most things that were happening and instead was kicking myself for not having anyone with me. I hadn't told my dad as I hadn't expected any of this to happen. But now as much as I wanted him there I didn't want to have to tell him about the lump. As a family we've been through so much "crap" together. Losing loved ones way before their time. I wasn't thinking so much "why me" but that that poor man, my dad, shouldn't have to go through this kind of thing again. Yes I know it all seems a bit premature seen as how I had no clue what was going to be found. But believe me when I say that it was one of the most intense moments in my life. I couldn't calm myself down, the nurse who assisted the Dr. again was so patient and reassuring. They are a great team at the RLI.
The lump wasn't a cyst. God damn it! As this lump wasn't expected by any of the team members, before anything else was done I had to wait to see one of the medical team. In this case it was Dr Law. I was to go back to a waiting area again before I could see her. The nurse asked if I wanted to phone someone to come and be with me. My heart wanted so badly to phone my dad but I just couldn't do that yet. Plus he was working and I didn't want to tell him this at work (he works at RLI and yes he has told me off for being so daft). My best mate Rachel lives in Aberdeen so obviously not an option. I texted and phoned my mate Ashia who was working in theatre and also Pauline to tell her what was going on. Again I was sobbing so much. In the meantime the great British cure all, a cup of tea had materialised before me. I don't think I drank any of it though.
Thoughts swirled and raced round my head, "what if?" "how am I going to tell my dad?" even worse "how am I going to tell my daughter?" I was just emotionally drained and know that although these thoughts are only natural given the circumstances, it really was a bit too early to think like that. Having looked more into it I'm more aware of the fact most breast lumps are benign and it is only a teeny fraction that are found to be malignant.
My voice of reason (Ashia) had arrived and texted me to say she was in reception. To be fair it's all a blur as to what I & she said initially but she managed to calm me down and tried to make me think about all the positives regardless of results. Rachel was also texting me to reassure me and give me a reality check & "kick up the bum". Just what I needed.
Ashia came in with me to speak to Dr Law, she asked about the reason for my appointment and explained more about what had been seen first on the mammogram and then at the ultrasound scan. The lump was teeny, it couldn't be felt with a physical breast examination but due to its irregularity in shape she felt that I should have biopsies taken to rule out anything "sinister"! Ouch!!
I knew this was gonna be sore as by now after all the prodding and needle aspiration I was a bit tender already.
Off we traipsed back to the waiting area. Sigh!
I was knackered. I know by this time it was 11 o'clock (2 hours I'd been there now, cripes!!) the fire alarm tests made me and Ashia jump and then laugh. A sense of normality at last showing its face. Ashia received a text to say "a letter from Blackpool Victoria Hospital had been delivered that morning". As an added stresser to both our lives we were chasing jobs as we were finishing our University placements and, more importantly, our course the next day!! Geesh, this really had all happened at the wrong time for me. Ashia had been given an interview date for the following Tuesday, although fantastic I just thought (as I had applied too) how the hell am I gonna get through that interview amd I hope the results appointment doesn't clash with my interview time. Plus I had an interview at RLI theatres on the Thursday after result day so again I thought what if it's bad news and then I've to try and attend an interview with that on my mind. Obviously it could be great news and I'd be on top form for that joyous task?! Ha!!
My heart was racing now with the newly added tension.
Ashia again was great at distraction, she could have a job of it she's that good! Seriously! In no time at all she had me giggling away.
Another lady called my name and off I went to face the dreaded biopsy. Unfortunately I was to face this part alone. She explained what to expect and what the procedure entailed. They would also be placing a small metal marker clip next to the lump to enable them to find it under X-ray and scans if necessary in the future. Out came the boobs (again) and by now all embarrassment had been lost and I just listened to instructions given to me. I was to lay on my side whilst my right breast was "squashed" a la mammogram stylee in the X-ray machine. More local anaesthetic was injected and the exact point for the biopsy to be taken was marked. They prepared me for the CLICK noise that the biopsy needle makes as a sample is taken (5 samples are taken altogether). CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK. The local anaesthetic worked a treat and I felt nothing at all. PHEW. At the end of the procedure I talked to the nurse and had explained that I might have an interview on the results day. She was great about it and told me not to worry just to phone once I knew and that they'd sort it for me. FAB. One less thing to think about. This was it the end of a very long and emotional appointment. Just the waiting game to play & decisions as to who I was gonna tell to be made......
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